LIFTS TO THE HEART

PREPARING FOR THANKSGIVING

 

Many of us who are grieving feel that Thanksgiving is a useless and painful holiday because we do not feel very thankful with our terribly hurting hearts. Maybe we could prepare our hearts for Thanksgiving by peeking into them to find at least one and maybe even more blessings that we could count at this special time of the year.

 

We can learn that the tiniest thing that could ease our heart’s burden was indeed a blessing! Discovering these “lifts to the heart” may help you prepare your heart for Thanksgiving. Sometimes amid all the pain, we forget what we could be grateful for.

 

Take an “inventory” of your heart. Perhaps you could be thankful for:

 

THE STRENGTH TO GET UP EACH DAY

–even if it is not fun. Grieving takes 10 times the energy to get through a day. Exhaustion can be one of the hardest parts of grieving.

 

THE LOVE OF ONE SPECIAL PERSON

–whether it be spouse, child or friend giving us encouragement and support

 

SOMEONE NEEDING OUR LOVE

–a person giving us reason to live, to nurture, to plan for, to hug.

 

A SPECIAL HOBBY OR INTEREST

–an activity that consumes our time and keeps our mind busy. It could be reading “grief” books to survive, writing our thoughts in a journal, making crafts, playing the piano, listening to music, planting a garden, walking along the beach.

 

PICTURES

–that make special moments treasures and keep our happy memories very much alive.

 

THE YEARS

–we had with our loved one.

 

MUSIC OR POETRY

–that soothes our soul.

 

A PET

–that makes us laugh, listens to our troubles and never tells anybody, who allows us to cry and needs us

 

FAVORITE RECIPES

–of our loved one that brings smiles to our faces

 

THOUGHTFUL RELATIVES AND FRIENDS

–who have tried to understand our needs and not frustrated us with a “time and schedule.”

 

TRADITIONS OR RITUALS

–that bring a moment’s peace to our hearts. carving the turkey, watching a football game,  lighting a candle, attending church services—whatever touches your heart.

 

NATURE

–a pretty flower, a sunset, a gorgeous mountain or ocean view- to stir the love of beauty in our hearts.

 

CARDS

–with just the right message-to let us know someone cares about us or remembers our loved one in a special way.

 

THE PHONE

–to heal us when we’re feeling low and need to talk to someone else.

 

BOOKS

–to bring a soothing message to our weary hearts and to give us a “thought” to carry us for the moment.

 

PRAYER

–to God  to send us strength to keep us going through the “Valley of the Shadow.”  Asking for encouragement and peace that surpasses all our understanding.

 

May your Thanksgiving be filled with reasons to be thankful! Having loved and having been loved is perhaps the most wonderful reason of all.

Talk About Your Grief

 

Express your grief openly. By sharing your grief outside yourself, healing occurs. Ignoring your grief won’t make it go away; talking about it often makes you feel better. Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head. Doing so doesn’t mean you are losing control, or going “crazy.” It is a normal part of your grief journey.

Find caring friends and relatives who will listen without judging. Seek out those persons who will walk with, not in front of, or behind you in your journey through grief. Avoid persons who are critical or who try to steal your grief from you. They may tell you, “keep your chin up,” or “carry on,” or “be happy.” While these comments may be well-intended, you do not have to accept them. You have a right to express your grief; no one has the right to take it away.

Expect to Feel a Multitude of Emotions

Experiencing loss affects your head, heart, and spirit. So you may experience a variety of emotions as part of your grief work. Confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, relief, or explosive emotions are just a few of the emotions you may feel. Sometimes these emotions will follow each other within a short period of time. Or they may occur simultaneously.

As strange as some of these emotions may seem they are normal and healthy. Allow yourself to learn from these feelings. And don’t be surprised if out of nowhere you suddenly experience surges of grief, even at the most unexpected times. These grief attacks can be frightening and leave you feeling overwhelmed. They are, however, a natural response to the death of someone loved. Find someone who understands your feelings and will allow you to talk about them.

Allow for Numbness

Feeling dazed or numb when someone dies is often part of your early grief experience. This numbness serves a valuable purpose: it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind has told you. This feeling helps create insulation from the reality of the death until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.

Develop a Support System

Reaching out to others and accepting support is often difficult, particularly when you hurt so much. But the most compassionate self-action you can do at this difficult time is to find a support system of caring friends and relatives who will provide the understanding you need. Find those people who encourage you to be yourself and acknowledge your feelings — both happy and sad.

Embrace Your Spirituality

If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you are angry at God because of the death of someone you loved, realize this feeling as a normal part of your grief work. Find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

Treasure Your Memories

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after someone loved dies. Treasure them. Share them with your family and friends. Recognize that your memories may make you laugh or cry. In either case, they are a lasting part of the relationship that you had with a very special person in your life.

Move Toward Your Grief and Heal

The capacity to love requires the necessity to grieve when someone loved dies. You cannot heal unless you openly express your grief. Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming. Embrace your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. be patient and tolerant with yourself. Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. It’s not that you won’t be happy again. It’s simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.

The experience of grief is powerful. So, too, is your ability to help yourself heal. In doing the work of grieving, you are moving toward a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in your life.

 

This time of year is especially touching for us all to remember those who have served our great county in the military to help us be a “Free” country.  As I reflect on my families recent visit to Washington DC to the World War II Memorial what emotions it stirred inside of me.  I quietly reflected on my Uncle Cline Sturkie who served in WWII.  We loved to sit around the family table and listen to his stories, it didn’t matter how many times we had heard the stories each time was as if a new story.  There were times around the family dinner table when Uncle Cline did not want to talk about WWII.  Until the day he left this earth he still had his winter thermals the U.S. Army had issued him!  I can’t imagine what the US soldiers went through for us and continue to go through – for FREEDOM.  Uncle Cline may not be with us now, however the stories he shared with us our part of our memories that will never leave us.  It is so touching that our daughter wanted her great Uncle Cline’s “dog” tags.   She has worn them with such love and great pride, now they hang in a special place.

 How very thankful we all should be to live in the land of the free.  How very thankful we should be for all the men and women who are serving and who have served in the U. S. Military.  We thank them for our freedom and their great sacrifices. 

 Take time to remember our soldiers and to be thankful for their service to God and Country. 

 

WWII

WWII Memorial

WWII Memorial

Arlington Cemetery

One of the loves of my life

Daily we are faced with changes; the weather changes, our families change, our friends change, our moods changes.  We need to look at changes as positive avenues to bring us to a new outlook on life. 

For many of us a change maybe not having someone we love in our lives anymore.  We must realize that our loved one was placed in our lives to better us and to help us become the people we are called to be.  Love changes so much in us.  Love can help us conquer the impossible.  The word of God states the greatest of these (all) is Love.  Allow a past love to plummit you to a new outlook on life.  Allow a current love to encourage you to be your best.  Allow the love you have inside to change all those you come into contact with for the better.   Love can be very contagious – why not let others catch your love and allow it to change them. 

Change should be for the better.  Let love change you today

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